0001-The Garden Metaphor - An Introduction to "Question Your Garden"

I love metaphors. I tend to be more logically minded and metaphors help tap into that emotional side of me, to bring congruence and understanding to the things happening in my life. Here, I explain my perspective of the metaphorical garden (big thanks to Emily Nagoski!) and the overall goals for this podcast.

Truthfully, it's a method I'm exploring for my own healing, however, I feel sharing my own struggles can help others feel less alone...less broken. So, have a listen and stick around for more! I've got some meaty topics lined up and I'm excited about getting to them!  


Transcript from the show:
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Normally, this is where I give you a synopsis of what today's episode will be about, but...It's my very first episode ever! I kinda think we need to go over some background on why this podcast is even here, ya know?

The short story, it's about personal development and self-exploration; mostly my personal story, really. If cussing/cursing/swearing/expletives bother you, this probably isn't the podcast you wanna be listening to – just a fair warning.

Also, please bear with me as I'm a bit of an awkward human. I've got lots to say but not much practice actually SAYING it. I clam up. I freeze. And I seem to give myself a million reasons not to say what I'm thinking or feeling because "now's not the right time." 

I get anxious too. It's a frantic feeling for me. One that makes me feel extremely low with that "jazzed" sensation in my body that I have to find an answer RIGHTTHISFUCKINGSECOND. Kind of a shitty combo to try to work through and let the feelings pass. I'm sure many of you can relate.

Those anxious feelings (and much wine!) helped birth the idea for this podcast. I've been feeling pretty …not human. Not…alive. I mean, my whole identity is wrapped up in chickens. Yep. Chickens. For those of you who don't know me, I have a ridiculous number of chickens. Like less than a hundred, but definitely more than 50, at any given time. *deep sigh* Anyway.

Sitting with them IS one of my favorite pastimes, but…I'm not really okay with my name being exclusively synonymous with chickens. There's more to me than that, I think. But I don't really do anything else either. I've honestly been so out of touch with myself that even *I* haven't known what it is that *I* should focus on doing to improve my life or just enjoy *living* it. I mean, there are things I'd like to do but...I guess I haven't had the motivation to try to be better.

I've been this way for years now, I think. I've made it so chickens, pretty much, are the only thing that can BE my identity, as that's about the only thing I let others see about me. 

I struggle with allowing myself to be seen. I struggle with feeling validated - or not, for that matter. Fear of failure RUNS. MY. LIFE.

So what do I decide to do? Make a late night decision to try and start a podcast that I have ZERO experience with that has a high probability of "failing."

But.

You know what?

It feels a little less threatening because 1.) I'm not promising to fix anyone since I'm not qualified for that and 2.) It gives me practice actually *speaking* the words I want to say.

Now. Why the name "Question Your Garden?" I recently read Emily Nagoski's book, "Come As You Are." It's about women's sexuality and getting more in touch with things that negatively affect libido. In it, she brings up the metaphor of the garden.

Here, let me read you the introduction to this concept she provided in her book:

"   It goes like this: On the day you're born, you're given a little plot of rich and fertile soil, slightly different from everyone else's. And right away, your family and your culture start to plant things and tend the garden for you, until you're old enough to take over its care yourself. They plant language and attitudes and knowledge about love and safety and bodies and sex. And they teach you how to tend your garden, because as you transition through adolescence into adulthood, you'll take on full responsibility for its care.

   And you didn't choose any of that. You didn't choose your plot of land, the seeds that were planted, or the way your garden was tended in the early years of your life.

   As you reach adolescence, you begin to take care of the garden on your own. And you may find that your family and culture have planted some beautiful, healthy things that are thriving in a well-tended garden. And you may notice some things you want to change. Maybe the strategies you were taught for cultivating the garden are inefficient, so you need to find different ways of take care of it so that it will thrive (…). Maybe the seeds that were planted were not the kind of thing that will thrive in your particular garden, so you need to find something that's a better fit for you (…).

   Some of us get lucky with our land and what gets planted. We have healthy and thriving gardens from the earliest moments of our awareness. And some of us get stuck with some pretty toxic crap in our gardens, and we're left with the task of uprooting all the junk and replacing it with something healthier, something we choose for ourselves."

I connected with this immediately. The more I think about it, the more I'm able to recognize things like my learned values and beliefs, as they show up. Like, I always feel like I'm going to fail at things. And since I'm afraid to fail at things, I don't try! I'm not really sure how that belief got planted, but it's there. And guess what? I don't want that shit in my garden anymore!

Failure is how you learn. Mistakes are HOW. YOU. LEARN.

I try to remind myself of that as often as possible and yet that "belief" still persists. It's not useful to me (or anyone, really) and as a matter of fact, it's toxic. It's limiting and debilitating.

Sure, Emily's book has a central focus on women's sexuality, but this metaphor…it's MORE than just about women's sexuality. It's about questioning the things you were taught. It's about reviewing what was handed to you or, in this case, "planted" for you and making a conscious decision on its value, impact, and literal place in your own life.

I think the easy part is going to be in discovering the things that were "planted" that are no longer of value. The hard part? Weeding those things out. Digging up root systems. Cutting persistent vines that try to grow in from neighboring gardens.

The garden metaphor is valuable to nearly every aspect of your life and beliefs. And this podcast - this podcast is about me, questioning my garden, in hopes that you too, will question yours.

Anywho, thanks for listening guys! Your support means a lot to me, even if it's just a simple share on social media or to a friend or family member who you feel might enjoy the podcast too. If you want to send me an email, it's questionyourgarden@gmail.com Also, I can't forget to give a shout out to both Kevin MacLeod at Incompetech.com and Scott Buckley at scottbuckley.com.au for the music transitions they provided for use in the show. Be sure to check out the show notes for any links or additional information from the episode.

Until next time, keep weeding!

Intro Audio:
"Cold Sober"  Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) 

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ 

Transition Audio: 

"Wonderful" Scott Buckley (scottbuckley.com.au)